It's a short week - yay! I have done 2 x 20 minute sessions in the park - yay! I had my diabetic checkup today, and the doc is very happy indeed - yay! It's Easter this weekend - gulp!
I'm an eater. I like to stuff food in my face well after I'm full. I don't crave food, I just eat it when it's about. I don't have hankerings for things, I just swing open the fridge or pantry and consume. I can skip the chocolate, chippie and biscuit isles of the supermarket with ease, but if it lives in my kitchen, it's going to get gobbled.
Easter is my kind of holiday. I'm not religious, so for me it's all about the eggs! White chocolate, dark chocolate, milk chocolate, nutty, caramel, hollow and solid, I love 'em all! They live in my cupboard right now, and if given half a chance I'd consume the lot in a single sitting.
I know people who have Easter eggs that are over a year old, just rolling around in their desk drawer. They eat one of those small caramel eggs and are satiated. Or maybe they have two. I don't. I finish the pack.
It's not just chocolate eggs, I'd do it to a pack of Girl Guide biscuits too, dunking them one after the other into my coffee. A bag of chippies is never half eaten, it's opened, consumed and the empty packet is tossed in the trash. I have memories (pre-diabetic days) of opening a family-size pack of jet planes and scoffing them all while watching the telly. I always want another scoop of ice cream, a larger slice of pie, another sausage roll, the bigger muffin and extra helpings of whatever is going.
So, why am I not the size of a house? No idea frankly. My weight for the last decade has been between 105KG and 110KG. Even now, I have lost almost no weight since starting the 20 week challenge 7ish weeks ago. Not too surprising I guess seeing as how I haven't gained any weight being lazy or active in the past. The only time I have lost weight was back when I was diagnosed as a diabetic, and I was losing about half a kilo a day. Yea, that's rapid weight loss, and I don't recommend it, especially as it went on for several weeks!
When I pack my lunch in the morning, it's huge. It's not full of bad stuff - lots of proteins, salads, some fruit and nuts, maybe an egg or two, but it's a large amount of food, and it's usually gone before 3pm, sometimes it's gone by 1pm.
Is it my mother fault? Did she force me to finish my dinner before I could go and play? Did I have to compete with my brother for a second helping or the bigger dessert? No, or at least I have no memory of it. Mum's not to blame.
Is it psychological? Does eating replace love? Do I feel prettier when I eat? Does it combat depression? Does it give me a secret thrill? No, it's just food.
Is it biological? Am I deficient in amylin? Do I have a high/fast metabolism that requires constant feeding? Do I have a second stomach? Well, maybe to points 1 & 2, but no to #3. Diabetics are often deficient in amylin (the bodies major satiety hormone) which may explain why I still want to eat when I'm full. And I'm rarely ever cold, even in the cooler winter months, which means a faster metabolism right?
In reality, I have no idea. It could be some or all of the above, or none of it. But with Easter on the horizon, the fistfuls of nuts or fruit will be replaced with chocolate. Boiled eggs will be replaced with chocolate eggs. And I will want to consume all of the time because I won't get full, or happy, or satisfied until it's all gone.
I wonder how many kilometres of hill walking I'd have to do to burn off a 6-pack of marshmallow eggs? I wonder if I could possibly burn the Easter calories off in the same weekend? Maybe I should head to the hills now? There are a lot of eggs out there, and only 4 days of the weekend to burn them off again!
Sigh. Wish me luck!
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